When it comes to just sitting with someone who is hurting and not saying anything...Christians SHOULD consider this an option, HOWEVER talking is also highly encouraged.
Being with someone who's in pain is not easy. It's a vulnerable situation for both people involved, and one or both of them might want to flee from the moment. Christians shouldn't. When we as believers encounter someone who is hurting (no matter how deeply) we should not be afraid to come along side them. We who are in Christ can comfort and be comforted by one another, because we know the God of all comfort. Paul writes that since we know the Father who comforts us in all our troubles, "we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God" (2 Corinthians 1:4). We know the God of all comfort and He commands, "Comfort, comfort My people" (Isaiah 40:1). As believers, let's obey His commands.
One way we can comfort someone is by being with them in their pain, taking the time to achknowledge the hurt they are feeling. It is written that there is a time for everything in its purpose and there is "a time to weep and...a time to mourn" (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Sometimes it's best to spend this time in silence.
We can also comfort those who are hurting with our words. We as believers have been given the words that come from the Spirit who "is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). The words we can speak have the power to heal. We should be careful and compassionate with what we say, though, because our reckless words "pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12:18). We want to heal others the same way Jesus did.
It can be hard to know when it's time to speak and when it's time to be silent, but Jesus Himself demonstrates a time when He had to asses which of these two responses to offer. John chapter 11 tells of when one of Jesus' close friends, Lazarus, died. In this chapter Jesus encounters Lazarus' two sisters, Martha and her younger sister Mary. When Martha meets Jesus she says to Him, "Lord...if You had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:21-22). Jesus responds to Martha's words by telling her "Your brother will rise again," to which Martha replies "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day" (John 11:23-24). Jesus then gives Martha this theological proclamation, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in Me will never die" and He concludes by asking Martha if she believes this (John 11:25-26). Martha says she does believe, and she goes. Then Mary comes before Jesus and says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died" (John 11:32). Despite that Mary's first words to Jesus were the same as Martha's, "when Jesus saw [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled" (John 11:33). At seeing this, in response, "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). From this story we can see how Jesus responded to these two sisters' pain both with words and with silence (the older sister needed a theological revelation, while the younger sister needed to share her sorrow with her Savior). Both were comforted, and Jesus saw and assesed how best to comfort them. We too must be dilligent to understand how someone is hurting and how best we can comfort them with the love of Jesus. We might not always know what to say or if we should say anything, but we know that God will be with us and He will use us to bring comfort to our hurting friends and family.
So love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers
To all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them
Stay by their side
- Casting Crowns
Sources
- The Bible (New International Version)
- Calvary Church of Souderton: Surprise...at a Funeral
- Casting Crowns: Love Them Like Jesus
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